smiley killjoys

friends only, kind of.

hi! welcome.

if you're new here, know that i lock most of my posts for privacy reasons, so if you're not seeing much, that's why. comment or message me if you'd like to be added. =)

if you're from back when *i* was new here, i apologize for the things i did before i knew better. i hope i'm doing better now. ♥
house thinking

(no subject)

cat keeps walking all over and sitting on the laptop, yet when i put the laptop off to the side, he's completely uninterested in sitting on my lap or the laptop. =/


recently, i figured out i'm on the asexual spectrum. i'm 35 years old, and i can count the number of times i've been interested in having sex. i am attracted to people mostly based on personality, but it's very rarely a sexual attraction. it's more that i just want to be around them. i can appreciate people i find aesthetically pleasing, but i have no desire to take them to bed. as far as that goes, when i find someone aesthetically pleasing, it's almost always faces, not bodies. i don't really want to see people without their clothes on, and watching people making out on tv makes me uncomfortable. sometimes i wonder if most people even realize how often people make out or have sex on tv. it's a lot.

my favorite parts of romantic relationships are really just the parts where we spend time together, hanging out and watching tv or playing games, snuggling on the couch, holding hands, playing with each others' hair, that kind of thing.

i don't personally know anyone else like this. i know that they exist, or there wouldn't be terms like asexual and graysexual, but it feels kind of lonely sometimes.

one time, when i was 18, i spent the evening with a friend, a guy who was six or eight years my senior, i can't remember now. we ran some errands, and he made dinner while we hung out at his apartment. he kissed me, and i wasn't sure how i felt about it, so i kissed him back, because that's what you do when a boy kisses you. kissing led to making out, and i ended up with my back on the floor and my bra undone and his hands all over me. i could tell he was really into it, so i tried to be into it, to.

but then he stopped. and he said something like, "i'm sorry, but i'm having trouble figuring out if you're enjoying this or not. do you want to stop?"

i was a virgin, but i'd had similar sexual encounters before. and nothing like this had ever happened to me. all i could think of to say was "um," and just kind of blink at him blankly.

so he stopped. he was totally aroused, and i didn't say i wanted him to, but he stopped. looking back, it was the nicest anyone had ever been to me in that kind of a situation. but back then, i was mortified. completely and wholly embarrassed and ashamed. because it was my job, wasn't it? to make sure that the boy came away from the experience satisfied?

he made an effort to make sure i was okay and things didn't get weird, but i couldn't feel un-weird about it.

i think about it a lot.

i wonder about other young girls, graysexual or not, and how many of them end up doing things before they're ready because they've learned that the keeping a boy around is the top priority, and/or because the boy isn't observant or caring enough to figure out that she's not ready.
dumbledore's army

book recs?

this afternoon i need to go birthday shopping for a young girl just turning eleven. she has requested 'scary' books, so i thought i'd come to you guys and see if you have any advice on what to get for her. recs for not-scary books are probably okay, too.

anybody have any ideas?
music is me.

Mississippi Personhood Amendment

Originally posted by gabrielleabelle at Mississippi Personhood Amendment
Okay, so I don't usually do this, but this is an issue near and dear to me and this is getting very little no attention in the mainstream media.

Mississippi is voting on November 8th on whether to pass Amendment 26, the "Personhood Amendment". This amendment would grant fertilized eggs and fetuses personhood status.

Putting aside the contentious issue of abortion, this would effectively outlaw birth control and criminalize women who have miscarriages. This is not a good thing.

Jackson Women's Health Organization is the only place women can get abortions in the entire state, and they are trying to launch a grassroots movement against this amendment. This doesn't just apply to Mississippi, though, as Personhood USA, the group that introduced this amendment, is trying to introduce identical amendments in all 50 states.

What's more, in Mississippi, this amendment is expected to pass. It even has Mississippi Democrats, including the Attorney General, Jim Hood, backing it.

The reason I'm posting this here is because I made a meager donation to the Jackson Women's Health Organization this morning, and I received a personal email back hours later - on a Sunday - thanking me and noting that I'm one of the first "outside" people to contribute.

So if you sometimes pass on political action because you figure that enough other people will do something to make a difference, make an exception on this one. My RSS reader is near silent on this amendment. I only found out about it through a feminist blog. The mainstream media is not reporting on it.

If there is ever a time to donate or send a letter in protest, this would be it.

What to do?

- Read up on it. Wake Up, Mississippi is the home of the grassroots effort to fight this amendment. Daily Kos also has a thorough story on it.

- If you can afford it, you can donate at the site's link.

- You can contact the Democratic National Committee to see why more of our representatives aren't speaking out against this.

- Like this Facebook page to help spread awareness.

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    man in the mirror by michael jackson
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lindsey will fuck you up


Originally posted by darkspirited1at SIGNAL BOOST: SAY YES TO GAY YA
This comes from an article by rachelmanijaentitled, Say Yes to Gay YA.
(click the link for the full article)

Our novel Stranger has five viewpoint characters; one, Yuki Nakamura, is
gay and has a boyfriend. Yuki's romance, like the heterosexual ones in
the novel, involves nothing more explicit than kissing.

An agent from a major agency, one which represents a bestselling YA novel in the same genre as ours, called us.

The agent offered to sign us on the condition that we make the gay
character straight, or else remove his viewpoint and all references to
his sexual orientation.

This isn't about that specific agent; we'd gotten other rewrite requests before this one. Previous agents had also offered to take a second look if we did rewrites… including cutting the viewpoint of Yuki, the gay character.

It's time to stand up and demand change. Spread the word everywhere if you are just as angry and outraged by this.

doooo eeeeeeet.
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    the way by fastball
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music is me.

since tumblr isn't working the way i want it to...

i'll just post the picture here. because it brings me joy, and joy must be shared.

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did you recognize everyone? =D?

ROW 1: Mad-Eye Moody; Rufus Scrimgeour; Argus Filch; Barty Crouch, Jr.
ROW 2: Remus Lupin; Petunia Dursley; Sybill Trelawney
ROW 3: Olympe Maxime; Kingsley Shacklebolt; Poppy Pomfrey; Severus Snape
ROW 4: Sirius Black; Bellatrix Lestrange; Arthur Weasley
ROW 5: Narcissa Malfoy; Quirinus Quirrell; Horace Slughorn; Garrick Ollivander
ROW 6: Lucius Malfoy; Filius Flitwick/Griphook; Molly Weasley
ROW 7: Minerva McGonagall; Lord Voldemort; Rubeus Hagrid
ROW 8: Vernon Dursley; Cornelius Fudge; Nymphadora Tonks; Igor Karkaroff
ROW 9: Rita Skeeter; Peter Pettigrew; Rolanda Hooch
ROW 10: Gilderoy Lockhart; Dolores Umbridge; Albus Dumbledore
ROW 11: Fenrir Greyback; Barty Crouch; Xenophilius Lovegood; Pomona Sprout
mikeyway is fuckin ready

unfollowing amnesty!

i'm going to take a page out of maple_mahogany's book, here, and do that unfollowing poll-thingy. There are people on my flist I never talk to anymore, and vice versa, and there's really no reason to be taking up space on each others' friends pages.

a lot of what i post from here on out is going to be friends-locked, and i want to make sure the people who see my entries are here because they still want to be here, and not because they feel obligated or because they don't want to be rude.

i know a lot of us no longer have anything in common, and that's okay. natural order of things, blah blah blah. i want to make it clear, though, that i will never have hard feelings if you want to unfollow me in the future, okay? it doesn't have to be a now-and-only-now thing. <3

nobody will see the results.

Poll #1720021 Follow/Unfollow Poll

Sticking around or leaving?

Sticking! You can't get rid of me that easily.
Leaving. And feel free to unfollow me, too, no hard feelings.
Don't kick me out! I'm a harmless lurker.
I don't care either way.